Your Brain: The Tiny Alien Overlord Running Your Meat Suit
Have you ever caught yourself saying, "My brain made me do it" after demolishing an entire pizza at 2 AM? Or perhaps, "My brain isn't working today" when you walked into a room and immediately forgot why? What if—and stay with me here—these aren't just figures of speech but the literal truth? What if your brain actually is a separate entity, like that tiny alien controller in Men in Black, pulling levers inside your skull and treating your body like its personal mech suit?
The Separate Entity Living in Your Head
Your brain is a ~3-pound blob of gelatinous grey matter that never sees daylight, never touches anything directly, and still micromanages everything from your heartbeat to your wildly uncalled-for flashbacks from 8th grade. It's like that boss who never shows up to meetings but still sends 37 Slack messages before lunch. And the best part? It rewards itself with dopamine when you (aka your body) do something right. It's the kind of egomaniacal lifeform that dangles serotonin like a carrot on a stick to keep you chasing productivity or cat memes.
Now here's the sci-fi twist: What if the brain is not just the command center, but a completely separate being — a stowaway that evolved to control a flesh mech? I mean, it fits the pattern. Parasites do it all the time:
And the brain? It hijacks you, tells you you're "just tired" instead of spiralling, and somehow convinces you to keep doing taxes instead of running off into the woods.
A Still from Men in Black (1997)
These real-life examples of a fungus-controlled ant and a wasp-affected spider highlight nature's own biological mind control, mirroring the "brain-alien" concept.
Could it be that the brain is the real alien species here, and the rest of the body is just a glorified life-support system? A warm, fleshy Uber with built-in snacks and opposable thumbs?
Think about it. When was the last time you felt like you were fighting with yourself? "I really want to exercise, but..." or "I shouldn't eat this entire cake, but..." That's not you being indecisive—that's a negotiation between you and your brain-alien. And let's be honest, the brain-alien usually wins.
Your brain consumes 20% of your body's energy while making up only 2% of your body weight. Talk about a demanding roommate! It's sitting up there in its cozy skull-apartment, hogging all the glucose, and sending you midnight cravings for carbs. Classic alien behavior.
The Evidence Is Everywhere
Exhibit A: Sleep
Your brain essentially kidnaps you for 8 hours every night. During this "sleep" (if that's even what it is), your brain-alien overlord runs system diagnostics, files away memories, and probably sends status reports back to the mothership. Meanwhile, you're dreaming about flying or showing up to work naked. Coincidence? I think not.
Exhibit B: Autopilot Mode
Ever driven home and realized you don't remember the journey? That wasn't you zoning out—that was your brain-alien taking the controls while you were on break. You weren't needed for that task, so the alien just minimized your consciousness like a browser tab and did the driving itself.
Exhibit C: The Unexplained Weirdness
Random songs stuck in your head? Brain-alien's favorite playlist. Sudden inappropriate thoughts during a funeral? Brain-alien's twisted sense of humor. Forgetting someone's name the moment you need to introduce them? Brain-alien's cruel social experiment.
The Daily Rebellion Against Your Neural Overlord
We all experience those moments when our brain-alien and our conscious self enter an epic standoff. These civil wars are perhaps the strongest evidence that we're dealing with two separate entities:
The 3 AM Anxiety Festival
You: desperately needs sleep for tomorrow's important presentation Brain: "Hey, remember that time in third grade when you called your teacher 'Mom'? Let's replay that in excruciating detail for the next three hours! Oh, and did you check if the front door is locked? Maybe check it seven more times."
The Productivity Paradox
You: sits down to work on important deadline Brain: "I wonder what your ex from 2015 is doing right now? Also, have you ever really looked at the ceiling texture before? Fascinating stuff. Oh wait, are birds technically dinosaurs? We should Google that immediately."
The Hunger Games
You: just ate a full meal "I'm completely satisfied." Brain: three minutes later "But what about second breakfast? Or that chocolate hidden in the back of the pantry that you think I don't know about? You didn't really need those jeans to fit anyway."
The Memory Vault Malfunction
Brain: carefully stores useless trivia like every lyric to a 90s one-hit wonder Also Brain: completely erases important information like where you put your keys, your mother's birthday, and your ATM PIN
These everyday experiences aren't random malfunctions—they're glimpses into the ongoing power struggle between you and the mysterious entity piloting your flesh vehicle. The real question is: who's really winning?
Your Brain's Mission: Unknown
So what does your brain-alien actually want? Well, from an evolutionary standpoint, it seems primarily interested in:
Not dying (hence your fear of heights, loud noises, and social rejection)
Finding food (particularly things loaded with fat and sugar—premium alien fuel)
Reproduction (explaining why it overrides your logical thought processes when an attractive potential mate walks by)
Conserving energy (which is why Netflix and scrolling feel so much better than exercise)
These priorities suggest your brain-alien might be less of a sophisticated conqueror and more of a lazy colonist just trying to ensure its comfy biological spaceship stays operational.
The daily battle for control: Is it you making the choices, or your brain-alien pulling the strings?
The User Interface Illusion
Here's where it gets meta. What if consciousness itself is just the user interface your brain-alien created to help operate your body more efficiently? You think you're the pilot, but you're actually just the dashboard—a simplified representation of complex processes happening behind the scenes.
Imagine your brain with its own dashboard: a futuristic UI for the ultimate control system.
Think about how little access you have to your own biological functions. You can't consciously control your heartbeat, immune system, or digestive processes. Those privileges are reserved for the brain-alien's admin account. You're stuck with basic user permissions: voluntary movement, some decision-making capabilities, and the illusion of free will.
How to Negotiate With Your Brain-Alien
Since you're stuck in this bizarre timeshare arrangement with your brain-alien, you might as well learn to communicate effectively:
Feed it properly: Brain-aliens run better on omega-3s, antioxidants, and complex carbohydrates than they do on energy drinks and cheese puffs.
Give it downtime: Meditation isn't woo-woo nonsense; it's scheduled maintenance for your alien controller.
Exercise: Nothing makes a brain-alien happier than fresh oxygen and increased blood flow. It's like a spa day for the little guy.
Learn new things: Brain-aliens love novelty. It's like giving them new toys to play with.
The Conspiracy Goes Deep
If brains are indeed alien entities controlling human bodies, that would explain why they've engineered society to protect themselves at all costs. Think about it:
Helmets
Brain surgeons getting paid more than any other doctor
"Brain food"
The entire self-help industry
The existence of philosophy departments
It's all part of the brain-aliens' long con! They've created entire economies dedicated to their comfort and protection. Well played, brain-aliens. Well played.
Perhaps the most suspicious feature of all is the blood-brain barrier—the brain's own personal bouncer and security system. While every other organ in your body freely mingles with your bloodstream like they're at an open bar, your brain maintains this exclusive VIP section that carefully filters what gets in. It's essentially built its own panic room inside your skull, complete with selective entry protocols. Only certain molecules get past this biological velvet rope, while potential threats are turned away at the door. This isn't just standard anatomy—it's evidence of a paranoid extraterrestrial taking extreme measures to protect itself from the very body it inhabits! If that doesn't scream "I'm not originally from this planet," I don't know what does.
This cartoon illustrates the brain's strict access control: a molecular VIP lounge with an alien bouncer.
The Ultimate Paradox
Of course, the ultimate mind-bender is this: if your brain is the alien controlling you, then who is the "you" reading this article and contemplating this possibility? Is that also your brain? Is your sense of self just another program the brain-alien is running?
And here's the real cosmic joke—this entire article was conceived, written, and published by a collective of brain-aliens using their human hosts as typing apparatuses. We're just meat puppets dancing on cognitive strings!
Next time you "change your mind" about something, remember what's really happening—a tiny alien being is recalibrating its control panel inside your skull.
Now if you'll excuse me, my brain-alien has decided we need more coffee. Who am I to argue with the boss?